Shouldering On

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I woke up feeling very, very sad. I spent the whole day trying to remember what my mum's voice sounded like and I couldn't. My head was thumping all day, I did everything at a snail's pace, but couldn't speed up no matter how much I tried. The saddler arrived and came down to see Wolfie. I opened the stable door to lead Wolfie out and his words were ' wow, look at the shoulders on him'. Wolfie exploded out of the stable (I have no idea why) and the saddler had a good look all over him. He was very complimentary about his big sloping shoulder and length of stride, saying it was text book angle for stride and elevation and any serious dressage rider would be envious of that shoulder. (Hmph that would be all well and good if he was a 16.2hh Warmblood). However, coupled with Wolfie's flat back and no real defined wither, it makes it a very difficult fit for a saddle. The saddler listened to all my thoughts and fears on the whole saddle / fitting issue and we discussed various options. Ultimately, I have known that every saddle I have tried on Wolfie recently does not nearly fit. I no longer have any confidence in myself or my judgement that I can even put a saddle on him and know that it is even placed correctly. If I am to ask any more of Wolfie in terms of his schooling and level of collection I need to have confidence in my tack. I need to be sure that any resistance shown is not down to a badly fitting saddle causing him discomfort. Wolfie is still pretty much a blank canvas to me, the foundations are there and so far he's a happy, confident horse who enjoys his work, I don't want to ruin everything we have achieved so far by making him sore and sour. As I've said before, Wolfie wears his heart on his sleeve. He lets you know how he is feeling every inch of the way. Like most youngsters, everything has to be in black or white, and with him you cannot skip a step, but I feel he would be a horse that could easily become very angry and bitter if things weren't done correctly or he was forced into something which caused him pain.

So the upshot is, Wolfie is having a custom made saddle. This is not something I wanted to be doing right now. This was a 'one day' dream several years down the line, but I have to do what is best for Wolfie right now. The saddler is coming out on Saturday to measure him up, take tracings and photographs. The saddle will be black, and he has said I can have any choice of leather at no extra cost. The tree will be made to try and allow as much room for alteration as possible as Wolfie continues to change shape. It will be a close contact balance saddle. It will take 3 to 4 weeks for the saddle to be made and the saddler will come out fit the saddle and watch me ride in it. He will then make any final alterations. He said he will then come back out after we have been using the saddle for a few weeks as a follow up call to check it. The saddle comes with a 2 year guarantee (the majority of saddlers only offer 1 year guarantees) and the tree has a lifetime guarantee. After much discussion with the saddler I have decided on the Wallace GPD which has a medium deep seat and straight cut flaps. The panel has been designed to give maximum comfort for the horse, allowing an excellent fit while allowing freedom of movement around the shoulder area. It is a general purpose saddle but straighter cut like a working hunter type to free up his shoulder but also means we can still jump in it. I love tack and leather. Normally, I would be so excited by the thought of our very own custom made leather saddle, it's a dream come true, but right now it just feels like another set back even though I know it's the only way forward. The saddler then went off to fit J's new saddle and I was left with Wolfie, who was looking particularly pleased and happy with himself as my world once again came crashing down around my ears.

Fortunately, J's new saddle was a good fit on him and only needs reflocked. H came down to see me after the saddler had left, with her jaw on the ground, she said the saddler had commented that Wolfie's shoulders are bigger than J's. I'm trying very hard at the moment to think of the positives of Wolfie's shoulders. With his huge stride, he covers alot of ground, so we can hack in half the time it takes every one else to do the same route. I mentioned to the saddler that I had to have Wolfie's bridle customised as even his head doesn't fit a standard size. He laughed and said that it's the complicated ones that often make the very best ones.

I think in my heart, I knew that this is where we were going to end up, although part of me had hoped that the saddler would miraculously fit a saddle and we'd be able to join in the centered riding lessons next week, I really want to try that. But no riding Wolfie for the next month. I had considered getting on him bare back in the school, but I've never sat on him bare back and I really don't fancy ending up face down in the surface at the moment and could do without any injuries. So I will get the long lines back out and we will do some ground work for the next few weeks.

I have started clicker training with Buttons over the last 2 days. It took me a little while to get my head around it and timing is crucial. I used a schooling stick as the 'target'. At the moment it is teaching him to understand the clicker. Every time he touches the target, he gets clicked and rewarded with a tit bit. Buttons is a pony that has always been fed from the hand. He mugs anyone near him and is at perfect pocket height. When I tried for the first time on Wednesday, after a couple of goes, I could actually see him processing the whole thing in his mind. He was working it out. Normally he always snuffles around your jacket, but he was standing back, and then he would hesitantly 'touch' the target, he was then clicked and rewarded. You could almost see him thinking, 'what's the catch, this is too easy'. Yesterday I took him into the school for 10 minutes to do some clicker work. When there's food involved, you have Buttons undivided attention. To say he is food motivated is an understatement. He touched the target as I moved it around. He was desperate to do anything else to be 'rewarded'. I think Buttons would stand on his head if he could if he thought there might be a 'reward' in it. It's good fun, I'm still getting the hang of it with timing and co-ordination. I've been giving Buttons a good brush every day, trying to get that winter coat out. He's brilliant, he loves being groomed and would stand all day being fussed over and cuddled.

Saddles and Centres

I hacked Wolfie on Monday. Yesterday I went to place a saddle on his back, just to try it and he scowled at me. Wolfie has never done that on seeing any form of tack. Something has pinched or hurt him during our ride on Monday. I was using J's saddle. There were no marks, raised areas or swelling, but I have a feeling the girth I used may have pinched him. Earlier I had given him a good scratch and pressed over his back and sides and he was fine, but something has definitely irked him. The saddler, Andrew Sankey is coming on Thursday to see a potential saddle for fitting and hopefully to offer some very much needed help and advice. The whole saddle issue is worrying me. I know how detrimental an ill fit saddle can be, but I just don't know what the best option is for us. Wolfie is not an easy shape to fit. I just want to do the best by Wolfie, so we will wait and see what Thursday brings.

Some of the girls at the yard had a lesson last night on centered riding. I hung around to watch H and J's lesson. I've read some articles on centered riding, but have never really given it to much thought. It is a method of teaching which takes the focus back to the rider, providing exercises on and off the horse which enhance body awareness and help riders recognise areas of tension and imbalance. It looked brilliant. The instructor just had H doing exercises in walk, but the effect it had on J's way of going was amazing. He was striding forward without the usual cries of 'leg on' and 'flexion' that you hear in lessons. H was beaming when she got off, having thoroughly enjoyed it. It's a great feeling to come out of a lesson and have achieved something. It's definitely something I would like to try. Maybe once the dreaded saddle issue is sorted out.

Growing up....... and out

It was Wolfie's 5th Birthday on Monday 26th April. What do you do when you turn 5, well if you're Wolfie you completely change shape and outgrow your saddle. Since I started hacking Wolfie again, every time I've ridden, the bottom of my back has been hurting me within minutes of getting on. I put it down to just the way I have been feeling lately. Last Sunday we went for a hack with H and J. H was riding behind me and noticed that Wolfie's saddle wasn't even touching his back. It's tipping me forward. I check his back merticulously after each ride and thankfully we've only been walking and staying on the flat. He doesn't seem to have suffered from this, but when Wolfie starts any carry on it's normally with a wing and a prayer that I stay on and as H pointed out, if he bucks with the saddle sitting like that, not only would it be awful for him to have the saddle slam onto his back, but I wouldn't stand a chance of staying on. On Monday I went up to the yard, stripped off the numnah and girth and put the saddle on him. It didn't fit anywhere at all. I have the Wintec 2000 with adjustable gullet. I got the Wintec measuring gauge out and Wolfie is off the scale. I felt my heart sink right into my boots. It's part and parcel of having a young horse that they are going to change, grow etc, but I really thought we might have at least got another year out of the Wintec. He isn't an overly wide horse. He is in soft condition and carrying a bit too much weight, but he's been bigger. It's his shoulders, they are huge. The way I'm feeling right now, everything seems like a mammoth deal and effort and the slightest stumbling block makes me just want to chuck everything. I seriously considered just locking everything away, turning Wolfie out to grass and giving up. Fortunately H arrived after she had finished work armed with her 'new' second hand leather saddle she had just bought for J. H came along, looked at the Wintec and agreed whole heartedly that it didn't fit anywhere. She tried her new saddle on W and although it wasn't 100% perfect, it was pretty good. We girthed it up and she encouraged me to get on in the school and have a little walk around in it. I was never a fan of synthetics, but when I got the Wintec they grew on me. I could see their benefits, especially with a growing youngster. I had even thought that if the GP was working out, maybe this year we could have got a second hand synthetic dressage saddle. Sometimes I wonder what planet I live on. However, sitting back in a leather saddle was like coming home. There is nothing like it. The lines of communication were clearer, I could feel his movement much better. Obviously the Wintec has been tipping me forward, making me crooked, forcing Wolfie even further onto his forehand and restricting his shoulders, but even when it did fit, it wasn't a patch on the feeling I got in the leather saddle. H without hesitation offered us the use of her saddle to enable us to keep riding until we can find another one. I can't thank H enough for this, she hasn't even ridden in it yet! I hope one day that I can repay her kindness. The Wintec is completely the wrong shape of saddle for Wolfie now. The next step up in synthetics is the Wintec Wide, but I think that this would end up rolling. I have decided to get a second hand leather saddle, I don't think I can go back to synthetics now. We have a limited budget, but I will sell the Wintec, they seem to hold their value well and have a massive clear out and sell anything we don't need. H has been brilliant and has been trawling EBay on the saddle hunt. We think we may have found one. I don't want to say too much just now as I don't want to jinx it, but if it is suitable it will be brilliant.

We have been out hacking with H and J several times this week. I am still lacking self motivation to ride. H has been quietly encouraging me to go out with her and J. I don't mind riding on my own and usually enjoy just concentrating on Wolfie, but right now it just gives me too much time to think. H had a half day on Wednesday, so we went for a longer hack. We rode up around Lennox Castle and around Celtic Football Club's Training ground. Their football pitches are immaculate. We were wondering what we would be charged with if we broke in and galloped across their pitches. I think we settled on criminal damage and riding with undue care and attention. There is a housing development in process up there at the moment. Normally when H hacks this route, it's at the weekend and the building site is closed. It wasn't on Wednesday. There were huge lorries, road sweepers, cement mixers, pneumatic drills, dumper trucks and diggers everywhere. Wolfie led the way. Eyes and ears on everything. He didn't balk or stop, just seemed more interested than anything. He had J behind him for support. J is brilliant, he just does anything. The workmen were great and stopped the machinery as soon as they saw us, but you could have forgiven any horse for getting upset. Think extreme police horse training and it wouldn't even be close. We then went off road and took some tracks that any Le trec enthusiast would be envious off. Different terrain, steep hills, low branches, wooden bridges. J took the lead down a few of the hills to show Wolfie the way to go. On hacking home a man started sanding his garden gate with a piece of sand paper. Both horses had a massive spook which seemed ridiculous after what they had just encountered. I was completely astounded at Wolfie. I knew he had a huge huge heart, but he is proving that he has real guts. So far he is answering every question that is being asked of him. He must have been mentally and physically tired after that hack, but walked home with energy and his ears pricked. J is hilarious. He pulls the grumpiest of faces at Wolfie and you can almost hear him muttering under his breath about 'the state of youth today'. Wolfie absolutely adores J and I think deep down J has a little soft spot for Wolfie too. Wolfie is a one off, he's a quirky little horse and I can honestly say that I have never met any horse before quite like him and I know that I certainly wouldn't ever be able to replace him.

Farewell old friend

Several years ago I did work experience and trained at a Classical Stud in Manchester. There were over 30 stallions and various youngstock and broodmares of Iberian breeding (including Lusitano and Andalusian) but there was also Friesians, Morgans, various breeds of Arab and Lippizzaners. All the stallions were trained in Classical High School, Circus and Liberty and many performed at demonstrations and events throughout the UK. I heard today that one of the stallions, a magnificent black Lusitano was put to sleep at a grand old age. His legacy will live on in the offspring he sired over the years, many of which are exceptional dressage horses, but many also went on to become successful sports horses. He has three foals due this year. This particular horse holds a very special place in my heart. I hope he is galloping free over the Rainbow Bridge to pastures new.

My time at the stud was magical. It was on the Lusitano that I first experienced the true movements of high school. He was trained to piaffe, passage, ballotade, capriole, levade, etc all of which were effortless for him. I still remember exactly how I felt the first time I sat on him. I won't say I was riding him as he performed these movements on cue and I was just a passenger. I knew even then that being on this horse was a once in a life time experience. The owners of the stud were fantastic. They encouraged and enabled me to ride their amazing horses and their trainer gave me lessons on the various stallions several times a day ridden and from the ground. I rode the Lusitano almost every day I was there. It was an absolute privilege to work beside these amazing and beautiful horses. Their manners, attitude, power and elegance was simply breath taking. The earliest surviving work on many of the principles of classical dressage emphasised training through kindness and reward. These stallions were so proud and they wanted to work. I cherish my time spent there and everything that I learned influenced the way I rode and handled horses following this. I have decided to integrate a little Liberty work to Wolfie. It's something I've thought of doing often, but something else has always taken presedence. However, I think now is as good a time as any, as with the longer days, even if I ride Wolfie, I can always come back later in the evning and do a little Liberty work. I really think it will benefit us both. I am going to get Carolyn Resnick's book, Naked Liberty.

I have also decided to try a little clicker training with Buttons. It's something I have never done before, so it will be a learning curve for us both, but could be good fun. They use clicker training to train assistance horses for the blind in America. I don't know how much of an assistance Buttons would be, but he would make a very good pick pocket. He's pretty smart and enjoys any sort of interaction so I think he might quite enjoy it. So for Buttons I'm going to get Clicker Training for your Horse by Alexandra Kurland. I love horse books. Any excuse to buy more.

I didn't ride today.

Lord of the dance

The problem with Wolfie not leading and misbehaving has been niggling at me since yesterday. I have heard numerous times over the winter about how mischevious he is in the mornings being difficult to change his rugs and turn out. I've never been able to work it out. I was disappointed in a way as I thought that his ground manners were well established and I felt like I'd failed in a way. He's on assisted DIY livery and gets fed and turned out in the mornings. To be fair I am not there in the mornings to witness this, but any time I have gone up early, he has been absolutely fine. I made a point of going up early this morning to turn him out. As he was going back in with the boys I also wanted to put boots on him. I put brushing boots on all 4 legs and over reach boots on. He stood like a rock. I then wandered him around the yard a little bit before turning him out at the far away gate. He was like a lamb. It would appear that darling boy Wolfie has been leading people on a merry dance thinking he can get away with it. Don't get me wrong, like any youngster he needs reminded every now and then of what is acceptable and what's not, it's just part of his education, but he knows how to behave, he's obviously chosen not to. He has a wicked sense of humour, but he made me smile today. I think also that Wolfie is a horse that needs to have his breakfast and be turned straight out. I like to keep things simple and make life easy for myself. If he's standing in watching the other horses be turned out first, he's just winding himself up.

The horses spent the afternoon today in their summer fields in preparation for going out full time. I went to catch Buttons in thinking he would be reluctant to leave the grass, but he was happy to come in. He loves his stable and his dinner. He only gets a handful of chaff and a carrot to make him think he's getting dinner, but it's obviously worth it to him. His winter coat has taken its time in starting to come out. He's looking a bit scurfy just now. Once he's lost most of his winter coat and the weather is warmer, I think it will be bath time for Buttons. That should be fun, he doesn't like the hose or getting wet

I didn't ride today. I had planned to, but I had several things to do and got stuck in traffic and roadworks for ages. By the time I got back to the yard I was really tired and not motivated. I'm annoyed at myself that I didn't ride, but I will tomorrow.

Walk on

I hacked Wolfie, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and today (gave him Monday off). He's been absolutely brilliant, a total star. We've hacked along the road ourselves to get onto the railway line, he's been very forward and looking at everything, but he's so bold. I like a brave horse. We will just be walking for the next few weeks so it's completely aerobic work, but out of interest I want to try and roughly measure the distance we are covering. I don't always plan my route and take various tracks so working out distances from maps would be difficult. I have thought of strapping a pedometer to his leg, measuring his stride in walk and seeing if that would work. Endurance riders must use something I would imagine. It's not for any scientific fittening reason, just out of interest.

Wolfie has been separated from the rest of the boys and in the paddock with Jake again for the last couple of weeks. They are going back in with the boys tomorrow as the horses are supposedly being turned out for summer this weekend. I don't know if that's such a wise decision with the drop again in temperature and the weather being so unpredictable, but it's not my decision to make. It also means that I am going to have to buy Wolfie a new summer turn out as he shredded his other one. I thought I could have left it a bit longer, but if he's out all the time I need to be prepared for the weather to turn. Apparently Wolfie has been misbehaving and very difficult to lead going to his field in the morning. I turned him out on Saturday and Sunday morning, he was as good as gold, he's been an angel all weekend for me so I'm not going to comment on that.

Time goes by..................so slowly

I haven't posted much lately, to be honest I haven't been doing anything with Wolfie over the last month. My mum sadly passed away Saturday 10th April and her funeral was yesterday. I suppose I have been fortunate in life that I have never really experienced losing anyone very close to me until now and I have never experienced the pain of true grief, until now.

Normally, I have always found solice in horses. If I am angry or upset, horses have always been where I will turn. Even the smell of the yard and the muck heap is calming, but not this time. I have been going to the stables and mucking the boys out, filling haynets and water buckets because I can do that like a robot. But I feel like something is gone, my heart has just not been in spending any time with them and certainly not riding. I feel that I am carrying a great weight that is so heavy it is sometimes even difficult to walk. That weight is too heavy to burden a young horse with. It has been panicking me that I feel like this. Wolfie senses there is something wrong, he is confused. I am there, but I am not there. His behaviour has been somewhat erratic. He was extremely naughty being shod last week, worse than he has ever been. He has been hauling his rugs down and destroyed one (my fault really as I should have remembered to move them) and he has been undoing the bolts on his stable door and escaping during the night.

Things got to the point last week where I thought for the first time ever that maybe I should sell him. He is a talented horse with alot of potential and I thought he was being wasted with me as I have not worked him consistently since the start of the year. Wolfie is a very sensitive, complex horse. I think that very few people actually know the real Wolfie. On the surface he is full of bravado, he's friendly, cheeky and somewhat arrogant. But there are very few people that have his true trust and respect. After all out time together I am still trying to work out his intrinsic mind. I often think of him as the horse equivalent of the rainman.

But after everything we have been through together in the last 3 years our bond is very strong. Maybe I am not giving him enough credit and he will help share or ease my burden along with time.

I am disappointed that we are not where I expected to be at this time ridden wise, due to various injuries and my mum. I had expectations of getting to some shows, doing some le trec and maybe a dressage test. However, although these goals have not changed, the goal posts have moved. I will get back on and ride Wolfie. We will hack for as long as it takes, to get fitter and happier. We will not worry about outlines and schooling. We will eventually go for a hack with our very good friends H and J and we will canter, the sort of canter where the horses start to get faster and race, your body feels like jelly because you're laughing and adrenalin. You can't really stop and only do when the horses tire or you reach the end of the track. Wolfie being Wolfie will then stick his head between his knees and buck. When we are ready we will school. We will begin jumping. I am going to work very hard to try and get my trailer licence to try and give us some independence. There's a lovely country park about ten minutes drive away that has miles of bridle paths and some cross country fences. We might even take a trip to the beach.

As many people have told me, this will get easier, I really hope so. It will take time, and I have Wolfie and crazy Buttons to help me along the way.